This morning I slept in, got up, made breakfast for my husband and my brother, and came home. We've spent the past week with my mom at her house (which is - luckily - just around the corner from us). It is great being with my mother, and I know I'll spend a lot of time with her, at her house, in the time to come. Just like I always did, anyway. Her (their) house will always, in a way, feel like home.
But it was nice to come home. To my new home. I've just gotten used to living in my new home with my husband. It started to feel like 'my' house, my nest, the three of us - him, me and our cats. A new, extra special family.
The sun is shining today and I went for a run. I bought a pedometer and I ran for 20 minutes, taking a few hundred steps. Running is good, and necessary.
And yes, I'm counting the steps I take each day, because I'm taking each day one step at a time. This is what coping means to me. Counting steps, for now.
I'm not going to pressure myself in doing anything I'm not ready for. I need time - we need time. And we need to be there for one another.
So here's to taking one step at a time.
I trust some of you out there will know what I'm talking about.
My father passed away on Friday, 14 March 2010. He was still at work when he had a massive heart attack, collapsed, and died. We were able to spend time with him there, in the lab where everything happened, to say goodbye. It feels so far away and so far fetched and so unreal still.
This is not a tribute - there is too much to say and my heart is too full. This is just to let the world know, in a way. He was 64 years old; a very young 64 and he was very excited about his retirement and all the things he and my mother would do together.
The funeral was yesterday. It was one of the hardest days of my life. This whole week was pretty much the hardest time I've had to go through, ever. We are such a close-knit family. And now one of us has left.
I thank God for the honour of being able to say that Andre Smit was my father. He was a phenomenal person. He was a legend. We will miss him so very much. His place will always be empty, except for the love that God will fill it with.
I'm not sure if I'm supposed to go on with my life, or if I have to start over in a sense. For now I'm focused on being there for my mother, my sister and my brother. I believe God will show us how to see to the rest.
I'll always love you dad. We'll take care of mom. I believe that you know this. I believe that you'll always be a part of our lives, guiding us, helping us through tough times. I'm your first born daughter and you can count on me to be strong.
I heard this song on the radio while I was driving home today. I just had my last class of this semester, and I was feeling quite weird. Half of my year as a student is over, in a way, and I'm not sure how to feel about it. So it could be that my weird mood was the reason I was so open for this song to affect me - nevertheless, when I heard it, I turned up the volume and let myself be taken away - far, far away.
It's a great song. It makes you FEEL.
The fact that it plays in one of the Twilight movies is just an added bonus :)
What a fantastic way to start yet a new chapter of my life. Welcome 30's, I can't wait to get to know you better. I know you're going to give me lots to think about, lots to do, lots to appreciate along the way - and I'm ready! One thing is for sure though, I'm going to continue to celebrate life! (even if it means that I wake up with blue knees the morning after!)
This is me and my friend, Amelia, dancing the night away.