Loss.

 
My mother and father when they were younger

My father passed away on Friday, 14 March 2010.  He was still at work when he had a massive heart attack, collapsed, and died.  We were able to spend time with him there, in the lab where everything happened, to say goodbye.  It feels so far away and so far fetched and so unreal still. 

This is not a tribute - there is too much to say and my heart is too full.  This is just to let the world know, in a way.  He was 64 years old; a very young 64 and he was very excited about his retirement and all the things he and my mother would do together.  

The funeral was yesterday.  It was one of the hardest days of my life.  This whole week was pretty much the hardest time I've had to go through, ever.  We are such a close-knit family.  And now one of us has left.

I thank God for the honour of being able to say that Andre Smit was my father. He was a phenomenal person.  He was a legend. We will miss him so very much.  His place will always be empty, except for the love that God will fill it with.  

I'm not sure if I'm supposed to go on with my life, or if I have to start over in a sense.  For now I'm focused on being there for my mother, my sister and my brother.  I believe God will show us how to see to the rest. 

I'll always love you dad. We'll take care of mom.  I believe that you know this.  I believe that you'll always be a part of our lives, guiding us, helping us through tough times.  I'm your first born daughter and you can count on me to be strong.

Ria  (Fielie)