In limbo.

Credit: Troy Ziel

I'm not sure where I am at the moment.  My life feels like it belongs to someone else.  

I'm not sure if I'm supposed to start over.

Or do I try to go on?

A fundamental change like your dad dying is one of the weirdest things that can happen to you.  You don't know how you feel.

Am I sad?  Am I devestated? Am I lost?

All I know is that I find it hard to concentrate, on anything.

I find it hard to do things, unless I totally force myself.

My brain has stopped working in a sense.

It's like it has shut itself down, to protect me.

Am I going to fall apart at some stage?

Am I suppressing emotions because I don't know how to handle them?

Am I ok?

How am I supposed to go on with my life?  It has only just started.

How am I supposed to comfort my mother, who has lost her husband.

How am I supposed to comfort my sister, who has lost her father.

How am I supposed to comfort my brother, who has lost his dad.

Am I supposed to comfort them?

Do I need to be strong for them?  Or for me?

Can I let go and fall apart and just..... deteriorate into sadness?

Is that what's supposed to happen?

Is that what is going to happen, or not with me?

Everyone handles this differently, but how, HOW how how am I going to do this?

Nothing can prepare you for this feeling.

Nothing.  You can't name this feeling.

I feel it brewing under my skin and I think it will show itself.

I hope the right people are with me when it happens.